lioness in japan

I got my first nasty comment in the history of this two-year-old blog, which set me thinking a lot in the past few days. I wanted to wait a little for some inspiration on how to intelligently create a response, rather than fall back on a simple rant.

Here is the comment but if you are interested to read it within context, it’s at my old blog address:

“The problem is you! You are clearly a spoiled low class bottom feeder and trust me the people in this world that know the difference will smell you a mile away. You may have been annoyed but your writing nails you as the cheap dirtbag that you really are. Disgusting human being. Sorry that worthless trashy people like you take up space in this world.” (Signed off as Anonymous)

My first reaction was, “Yikes, who is this from? What an angry comment!”

My second reaction was, “Wow, my first ‘controversial’ comment — maybe it shows that my blog is making more of an impact on the blogosphere!”

My third thought was, “Gosh am I really spoiled?!”

I am clearly not on my way to having a quarrel like Xiaxue and Dawn Yang in Singapore, but I think this brings up a clear example of what Chris Garrett, an SEO blogger, said today in a very thought-provoking entry, What Are You Saying Between The Lines?

Actually, I think I know who wrote this furious message to me. The entry that he responded to was a huge rant about various people in the Japanese school I attended in 2006-2007 and to me it was obviously written by one of the guys whom I complained about (it was easy to deduce because the others whom I dissed did not have enough English language ability to write such an eloquent, heartfelt response).

It’s certainly not the best snapshot of my personality in that entry but it said a lot. At the time, I was frustrated and felt harassed by certain individuals — not in a sexual way but for time and attention, which I was not willing to give.

Why did I find fault with so many people in just one small space? Their intentions were harmless — they just wanted to get closer as friends but I rejected them because I felt we had nothing in common which is a fair enough reason on my part. But I have a “switch-off” mechanism when I encounter people or situations that I have no real solution to getting rid of — I just pretend they don’t exist.

I am not justifying it’s a good way to handle interactions with others and it is certainly not the way to resolve issues. For example, my aircon situation with my colleague is hanging in the air so to speak — I absent myself from the office so I don’t have to deal with an unpleasant situation. Some people may just say, “Oh get on with it and just tell them how you feel!” Well, in some cases, honesty is overrated, and unfortunately also where kind gentle hints cannot be an alternative. People get really angry and they tend to flip into denial and blame the person who made the complaint. Just think about it: have you had a good experience telling someone the “ugly” truth?

What was I supposed to tell this individual when I didn’t want to hang out with him? “You are whiny and you grate on my nerves?” So I made up flimsy excuses like “I’m busy”, “I have a long distance business call” or “I have to go now!”, but even those hurt his ego.

The other situation that this post reflected was I was not that great at group dynamics — never mastered the art and still struggling with it now. I tend to be a loner and have always found my attitude and thoughts to be starkly different from the majority amongst my peers. My natural instincts made me retreat into myself, and I suppose it looked like I didn’t deign to speak to those whom I had no interest in.

So imagine me, a 30-year-old, in a group of pre-and-post university students whose only purpose is to learn Japanese for their education or were on a backpacking self-discovery journey. Their lives were so different from mine — they lived in more modest neighbourhoods, they had to be more frugal, they couldn’t travel overseas, their weekends were spent doing homework and gaggling with friends their age. The biggest crisis they faced was the oral exam at the end of term!

In contrast, I was a journalist who had been in the sharky media industry for six years and my senses were blunted by the dull daily grind of language lessons. I was bored shitless and I needed stimulation of other like-minded adults so I don’t blame myself too much for being a cold, distant personality who didn’t get on with the program. Perhaps I came across as spoiled as I am in a much more privileged position than many others, but to the person in question who spat out this diatribe, I think you don’t know what you are talking about. As mean as it was for me to criticize you, it was short-sighted of you, too — you have no idea what is my history nor where I am coming from at all.

Am I bottom feeder? Yes, perhaps I am opportunistic by nature but aren’t all writers pirates of others’ emotions, stories, situations, and issues? Reading between the lines of my first nasty comment, I would say the writer was humiliated and had no real constructive criticism to give — what do you mean by “cheap dirtbag”? How about “disgusting human being”? This is just name-calling. Oh, I wish I were “trashy” so my blog traffic would shoot up in my Google Analytics account.

On a last note, though I was insulted by this sudden confrontation, I am definitely learning that I need to choose my words more carefully as more and more people are reading this blog. Like in newspapers and magazines, there has to be equally conscientious prose in the cyberworld — you can never, ever delete what you wrote and it is here to stay permanently.