What do I do as a trailing partner flying solo?

Yep, the kangaroo is away on business, and as usual, he’s gone for five to six weeks. “Don’t you get lonely?” is a question I get asked more often than I’d like to count because it’s uncomfortable admitting something so “weak” but it is a huge problem in the trailing spouse world.

If you’ve got a regular job, this may not be such a big deal, because the key concerns of a trailing partner without a standard 9-to-5 job is the lack of human interaction and self-fulfillment.

I started thinking about this again when I read an article about Naoko Yamazaki, Japan’s first mom to catapult into space. Her training spanned several countries so her husband, Taichi, quit his space controller job to keep the family unit together (they have a daughter). They nearly got a divorce because Taichi was deeply unhappy with his role as a homemaker — even suicidal — compounded by the fact he couldn’t find a job in the US.

Why do some trailing spouses come out like winners and some don’t? Then it hit me: you have to be happy in a supportive role. If this is not your thing, it would never quite work out for you.

Am I happy in a supportive role? Yes and no. I think I’m flexible in terms of work — I don’t have a professional degree (law, medicine, engineering etc.) so I’m up for a career change if necessary. It’s hard, but if I have to do it, I would and I have.

I still grapple with the idea of always being the one having to adapt to changes that were not affected by me but I know that I’m positive and will ride with the wind of change. I’m the type of person who would grumble at the start, but once I start swimming in a new environment, I’ll find a way to be happy.

So how is this related to the title of this post? I’d like to show you how I try to be happy and less lonely in Tokyo. I’ve given tips on how to build self-esteem and how to tackle negative emotions as a trailing partner, so I thought maybe it would be good if you can look at a sample of my day to see how I fill up my time, or more appropriately, how I try to make my life meaningful.

I know everyone is different but perhaps you can glean some tips on how to improve your own routine. As a personal development blog junkie, I actually love to read about how other people live their lives on a daily basis so I can be inspired by how they achieve productivity and purpose.

Here is a snapshot of a typical weekday:

630 – 730am Wake up (I sometimes use the snooze alarm and I don’t always wake up at exactly at the same time everyday)
730am – Small breakfast (a banana with almond butter or a green juice)
8 – 9am Work out (run or DVD cardio or hooping)
9 – 10am Shower and eat second breakfast (large green smoothie or raw cereal)
10 – 1pm Check emails or teach or blog or deal with any work-related issues
1 – 2pm Lunch (this changes and depends on my teaching schedule)
2 – 5pm Beauty Box orders and/or blog or store maintenance or research
5-6 pm Study Japanese (I don’t always do this but I try)
6-830pm Teach
9pm Dinner & wind down with some TV or a book
11pm Bed-time

I’m trying to wake up earlier but I learned that some things just cannot be forced and perhaps I should relish the fact that I’ve got the luxury to rely on my natural bodily rhythms, as compared to someone who has to get up by a certain time to make it into the office by 9am.

If you’re an oft solo trailing spouse like me, the most challenging part of the week is not really from Monday to Friday, but the weekends. In the past, I used to hope that something would come up on Saturday, but in Japan, people don’t really work that way — yes, even gaijins.

I find it more often than not that people in Japan plan their weekends way in advance. Some fix appointments a month out, or at the very least, a few days before it arrives.

After a lot of trial and error, I think what works best for me is to make choices based on a hobby. For me, I love hooping and running so I look for people who are also interested in these things — I would either join a social group or sign up for a class.

I’ll try and catch up with friends, too, who make me laugh and to enjoy the company of others. I’ve fallen into the trap of just holing myself up at home watching DVDs many times because it’s so much easier to do that than to interact with the world. I have a strong feeling many folks do this but they don’t want to admit it.

If I don’t have anyone to hang out with, I’ll go for a run or a walk, clean the house, shop for groceries, and call or write to my family in Singapore. Even if you don’t feel like it, you will still feel better getting active, rather than remaining passive and depressed.

If you’re a trailing spouse, what do you do to keep yourself happily occupied?

Photo credit: here

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