lioness in japan

I decided to come out of the closet and talk about something I have kept under wraps for a while. I’m fairly open in my blog but this was one thing I couldn’t write about for the simple fact that I was afraid the kangaroo would discover how crazy I am.

He once told me that his ex-girlfriend, who moved from Byron Bay to Singapore, was so homesick and bored that she lowered the air-conditioning to a mere four degrees because she “missed” winter. Unfortunately, the electricity bill came up to SGD400 that month. Needless to say, she eventually got the boot. Kidding…. They had other problems that I won’t elaborate on. In any case, that’s kinda crazy and I was confident I had no such tendencies lurking around in my mind.

I’ve always been fairly sensible about shopping and other things in life. If there’s anyone who nags about money in the relationship it’s me. Though sometimes he badgers a little, too. I’ve also never had huge makeup and designer bag habits — I’m quite simple and always enjoy a good bargain sale.

But somehow, for two months this summer, I got sucked into the eBay black hole. What innocently started as curiosity turned into junkie behaviour. I constantly ransacked eBay for the best Coach deals, I perused the names of each collection to familiarize myself with how they looked so I wouldn’t get ripped off by fakes, and I stayed up late or woke up early just to bid on auctions.

I tried to keep it a secret from the kangaroo and it was easy enough since he was in India for a month-long business trip. On the day he returned, I bought one last bag just hours before he touched down and swore to myself it was the last one. But it wasn’t.

Let me tell you that the good deals never stop flooding eBay. “OMG, just USD42 for the Heritage Tattersall pouch! OMG, only USD20 for that cherry charm! OMG, just USD29 for that mini skinny!” But all this stuff adds up and if you include delivery, you end up with a fairly large bill. Though it’s still much cheaper than if you get Coach from the boutiques.

I suppose this habit wouldn’t be so bad if things are great financially but there are uncertain times ahead, so I really shouldn’t have gone ape shit over Coach. In a very poor defense, things were okay on the job front over two months ago, but just before my 30th birthday, the situation turned bleak.

On top of a spate of binge-drinking black outs, this pleasure-inducing obsession could only mean one thing: I was looking for happiness when I was lonely and lost. The burst of retail euphoria beats chocolate anytime.

A friend introduced to me The Purse Forum where like-minded Coach addicts discussed at length on new deals, new designs, leather care and bag accessories. But it wasn’t just practical information these women shared, but their joy in receiving Coach gifts or scoring a good eBay purchase, or sadness in having to sell a beloved bag, or staining a favourite piece. Basically, it was a gathering of friends with the same passion.

I also wanted to feel young again. What am I talking about? Thirty ain’t old! I think I felt like I was on the cusp of losing my mojo and my youthful verve, so bright and colourful designs perked up my flagging spirits.

There’s a really big “but”. As much as I can intellectualise my Coach obsession, there are no excuses good enough to justify such momentary insanity.

“Babe, no eBay when I’m gone?” the kangaroo slyly asked, as we cuddled goodbye. He’s in Singapore for business now and I will follow suit this Friday, before we depart for Bali for his best mate’s wedding. “You can’t buy handbags for the next 30 years!” You see, he found my credit card bill and over SGD2,000 was devoted to Paypal purchases.

In any 12-step program, the first thing in recovery is to admit you have a problem. So here I am, coming out of the closet and baring my soul. In this case, several Coach bags.

My favourite with a butterfly key fob.

This is my second favourite. If you are wondering why I have two of the same, this was procured due to a bidding mistake. I didn’t want to have a non-paying penalty on eBay, so I proceeded with the transaction.

Sand-coloured pebbled leather pouch.

White leather and pear signature stripe with a photo album key fob. I can’t put a picture of the kangaroo and I in it because in most of our photos together, our height difference is too great to cut up into a smaller version — either his head will go or I would have no body.

Signature scribble pouch with a “Y” charm.

Watercolour signature stripe pouch with a cherry charm.

Black hamptons scarf print stripe pouch.

Soho mist small hobo.

Weekend patchwork and watercolour stripe demi-satchels.

Black Bleeker medium duffle.

A variety of coin purses, mini skinnies, and wristlets.

This is just a picture of me so you can see how small these pouches are. Not very practical choices but they really do fit quite a few things. You certainly can’t squeeze in a water bottle, which is something many Singaporean women carry around because of the hot weather. It’s a habit I find hard to break but for the sake of my Coach bags, I will forgo this quirk.

Okay, corniness aside, this image of me was taken by the kangaroo — I told him I wanted to send it to a friend who wants to see the bag. But here’s the honest truth: it was for the purse forum I frequented. I think what the forum promotes is self-esteem. If you put up your photo, people are going to flatter you no matter how awful you look or they would just gush over your bag. Like any unhealthy addiction, you fool yourself into thinking it makes you feel good. And I wanted to feel good very badly…

I’ve been clean for almost a month now.

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1. Another milestone…
2. These boots are not made for walking
3. Look at what I got in the mail…

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