Expat life
It’s been almost six months since I’ve been in Japan. As some of my friends back home know, the New Year has spelled new friends and getting familiar with this buzzing and confusing city.
Last week was hectic with a lunchtime karaoke date, a hash run, a Friday izakaya dinner that rolled into a drunken karaoke session with my new Singaporean friends, more pub grub and yakitori on Saturday and a Sunday catch up with Viv and Simon, my first friends in Tokyo. I looked forward to each outing with enthusiasm and last night I was happy that Mr. D was finally returning home after a week of work in Sydney. I ran around the palace to work off all the yummy food I had eaten. During this run, I felt exhilarated and felt the world was my smorgasbord — that I had finally gone through an amazing breakthrough after months of deafening loneliness and stress.
Then last night for some reason, I couldn’t sleep. A friend gave me a link to a Canadian expat woman, Alison, who lives in Belgium. Her blog reflects a sweet person who has a lust for travel and life. She’s very positive in undertaking all the strangeness in her new home where she doesn’t speak the language. But it was comforting to know she also had her mind boggling “I’m depressed but I don’t know why” days. It sounds a little self-indulgent but hear me out. She wrote an article in Expatica, Recovering from the Expat Blues.
It could be just too much newness at once. I confided in a friend about this and she said it could also be due to seasonal affective disorder. This is from the Seasonal Affective Disorder Association:
Sleep problems
Usually desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake but, in some cases, disturbed sleep and early morning wakening
Lethargy
Feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
Overeating
Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods, usually resulting in weight gain
Depression
Feelings of misery, guilt and loss of self-esteem, sometimes hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings
Social problems
Irritability and desire to avoid social contact
Anxiety
Tension and inability to tolerate stress
Loss of libido
Decreased interest in sex and physical contact
Mood changes
In some sufferers, extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (over activity) in spring and autumn.
I think I have almost all of the symptoms. When I first arrived in Tokyo, I lost weight because I didn’t know what to eat, so I had very erratic eating habits. After the New Year kicked in and when it got very chilly, I ate and ate to keep warm but I felt sleepy and lethargic. Often plagued with guilt, I would wake up in horror from a long nap. Now, I am 2 kg heavier than when i started out.
Today it was 17 degrees. Spring is arriving soon and rumour has it the cherry blossoms will start blooming soon. Why is my body confused? Why couldn’t I sleep last night? This meant I could barely hold my head up in class today. Another long snooze made me feel awful that I started the week being so lazy.
I wasn’t upset about anything, really. I was a little disappointed that Mr. D didn’t share my enthusiasm about his return. He was very exhausted and crashed on the futon within half hour of his arrival. I guess I wanted to talk but he wasn’t in the mood. So I read my book and surfed the Internet in the dark while he snoozed. But he was cheerier in the morning and cuddled me: “Sorry if i was such a grumpy bum last night, babe.”
Alison also wrote an entry about the common scenarios trailing partners or spouses experience. She said her husband would return home tired from working all day but she wanted to yak enthusiastically about everything because she didn’t have anyone to talk to. They quarrelled a lot but she didn’t say what but I think it’s the same as any normal couple — i’m not getting enough attention or simply having contrasting daily lives that don’t gel.
I do talk to people in class but perhaps this small talk in broken Japanese is just not enough for me. I was relieved to find that she has similar experiences and feelings. And that means I’m not some attention-seeking hypochondriac. I hate not understanding emotions and situations so I’m trying to rationalise what I’m going through. I hope the blues will be just that — pangs of moodiness that will go away as soon as they appear.
Related posts:
Leave a Reply