lioness in japan

I’m back in the shoebox and feeling amazingly relaxed. Reluctant to fly to Singapore, I am glad I did. I had a fun time and met with friends and loved ones. Perhaps it’s just what I needed because I found I was complaining more about Japan than appreciating the good things. Life felt like a never-ending uphill climb but a bit of sunshine was what the doctor ordered. Maybe I just needed to be assured I belong somewhere — that I could always return to Singapore if the worst-case scenario happened, be it as a success or failure. I feel a lot freer now. Thank you to all my lovelies who made this trip so worthwhile.

Sure, Tokyo seems like a challenging place to live in but have I tried to delve deeper? To discover its hidden treasures? Obviously not. I’m back to tuning into Japanese TV to let the language wash over me. I stopped that for a while because I had enough of listening to Japanese all day outside. What an ungrateful biatch I am! Haha. But I’m ready. I’m even looking forward to class tomorrow morning.

I braced myself for a dip in mood and I would miss my friends but I don’t. Well, not yet — I’ll always miss you dearies! As I jogged round the palace, I admired the vivid green the trees radiated even in the dusky light. The fresh spring air was so rejuvenating — it was so breezy today but it wasn’t chilly like in winter. Even a trip to the supermarket and tidying the shoebox felt new again. I guess it feels comforting to get back to my routine. Rested, bathed and well-fed, I’m in bed about to snuggle up with a book.

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On another note, my flight back has been rather pleasant. Even though my luggage was a good 7 kg overweight (who would’ve thought shoes weighed that much?), but I was waved through with a smiley warning, plus a great seat in the exit row. I was embarrassed to ask for an aisle seat after escaping excess baggage charges or the humiliation of handing over 7 kg worth of my stash to my mum. But the lady behind the counter gave me a top class seat in economy. I asked her: “Not a full flight today?” She replied: “No, ma’am. It’s very full.” I got 31A, then it dawned on me, the kangaroo’s fave seat is 31B.

Why was this the case? The kangaroo is a gold member with SQ and he booked my ticket via his FF points. Aah, VIP by association. He’d be pleased to know how powerful his gold card is. Haha. All that flying around has its perks! He was once late for a flight by three hours and flashed his card. What happened? He bumped someone else off a very overbooked flight. Poor bugger but the kangaroo was laughing all the way to his seat.

Sashiburi ne (It’s been a long time). I’ve been shite updating this beloved blog.

There’s been lots of potential work, actual work and ambien came to visit Tokyo. I wish I could’ve spent more time hanging out with her and her hubby. We ate yummy Jap food and spoke Singlish, which made me very happy. Haha. Unfortunately they were rained out on half of their trip and the poor things found it super cold. The week they were here was unusually chilly for spring.

Alas there has been more change and to be honest I’m struggling to understand what I want out of life. Perhaps there’s no point mulling over this too much and just do what I can for now. Have a little faith in things and people while being in a state of uncertainty. All I know is, this is my time to toughen up, forget about following safer roads, to take risks and to remain optimistic about it all. If I keep worrying about the future, I’ll ignore the wonderful present. My now is really not too bad. I kinda enjoy the travel opportunities that are available to me, thanks to my kangaroo pookiemun.

I didn’t realise how much I miss Singapore. The predictable weather to easy transport, warm and chatty folks, big apartments and cheap cheap food and shopping. Oh I just hoovered a curry puff from Old Chang Kee — foodgasmic. Sigh, I’m not going to try to cram in all the things I love to eat because it’ll just be impossible and I’ll likely end up with a troubled tum.

I just took a cab ride from Toa Payoh to River Valley — it was only SGD6.70. Okay, before I would think it was a fair rate but this amount is what I spend taking the train four times within a tight circle of no more than three or four stations apart in Tokyo. A small packet of brown rice is $0.55 from NTUC while it’s 900 yen for 2 kg of short-grained brown rice which I am frankly not so fond of.

Just now, I went crazy and loaded up on pre-mixes, tea (yes, camomile tea in Tokyo costs 500 yen or SGD6.50 for 10 bags!), cereal and toiletries (I got a huge pot of Pantene conditioner for SGD6 (1,000 yen in Tokyo); three super-sized packs of Watson’s cotton pads for only SGD4.50 whereas in Tokyo I have to pay 400 yen for a small packet). I only spent SGD100 for the load I brought home. Usually a basket of groceries in Japan costs me 5,000 yen (SGD65) and I shop twice or thrice a week, depending if the kangaroo is home or not.

Sorry this is probably not very interesting to Singaporeans but I’m amazed that six months away completely shifted my view of prices. I’m just wowing at how everything is so cheap here. No wonder so many people want to live here. But I can’t buy the experiences I’m having in Japan.

Will update on my visit back home and look out for my Kamakura day trip photos. When I return to Tokyo, I’ll have a full weeks’ worth of public holidays with only bits of work to attend to. I hope to head out of the city for some adventuring. PLUS, more blogging from moi.

I had a good day. I was commissioned to write my first story for an expat women’s magazine. After trawling websites for research all day, I decided to toss up some pancakes in the shoebox.

The kangaroo is away and before I always experienced some measure of anxiety and dread of being by myself. But it’s day two so far and I feel good. For a long while, the pain of being separated was something I was increasingly unable to handle properly. I would slip into sorrow or negativity often. I think I came to Tokyo expecting a couply existence but we don’t have that. I thought it was a warning sign that maybe it wasn’t working smoothly, but it’s okay to be separate for a while or even regularly.

If I were with Mr.D 24/7 I wouldn’t be able to do all the things I want to do or the people I want to meet. So these pancakes are a symbol of that. I wouldn’t have these if he was around because he’s not a fan of carbs in his food. I’ve been searching for things to do and groups to join, plus I paid USD6 to join a language exchange network. On this front, i’ve had many responses — not that my profile was so sparkly but a paid subscription means you can approach any person in the network. I realised that not many pay for the contact service because almost all the women I emailed said I was the first woman to contact them. So, it’s been busy and my calendar looks nicely filled.

I don’t think I want to just be a social butterfly. I want to meet useful contacts for work and with my new contributing gig, I hope to gain credibility in the publishing industry here which could lead to other opportunities. For successful freelance journos, always publish first, then go corporate — that’s where the moolah is.

So here’s to trying a new chapter — flying solo but really enjoying it.

Quite a few people have told me they think the kangaroo and I seem to look like a dreamy pair. Well, I’m flattered and think I’m lucky, for sure, but seriously, we have our spats, too. I try not to dwell on them nor do I blog much about what our quarrels are about.

Unfortunately, after our Disney date, we had a serious talk that turned into a night of unhappiness. We fought some more the next day and I hated the shoebox. I didn’t have anywhere to go except the closet of a bathroom we have. It was raining so I didn’t want to stroll around aimlessly until my head cleared.

I think what made things worse was that I didn’t have any sleep the night before and the kangaroo was in full swing with his South Beach diet — low blood sugar levels are never ideal for sparring with a woman on the war path.

We have kissed and made up of course but I always find the aftermath of a quarrel unsettling. You know things are fine and resolved somewhat but there’s a lingering aftertaste of uncertainty, doubt and emotional exhaustion.

After speaking to a girlfriend about it, I learned to laugh at myself and at the kangaroo. I should learn to take life less seriously.

Maybe not consciously planned, but we bought some things to make the shoebox more comfortable and it was also a positive way to spend some time together post-fight. Mr. D purchased a printer for me so I can work better, because when he’s not around, I can’t ask him to print stuff for me at his office. Pillows, cases for the pillows, plates, a non-stick pan, water and wine glasses were part of the shopping list. Our shoebox was rather spare on the utensils front.

After a big three-hour snooze, we went in search of a South Beach dinner. In Akasaka Tokyu Plaza, we found West Pack Café. It looked a little dreary and tacky on the outside as a Western bar restaurant but they served very good salad, hamburgers and grilled salmon. With some Pinot Noir coursing through our veins, our banter became light-hearted and we started laughing a little again.

Sometimes I trawl the Internet for expat women’s blogs so I can learn more on how other trailing partners deal with their own issues. There are a few who share on this aspect of their lives but I’ve yet to see anyone wash their dirty laundry about someone they’re still with.

I don’t think there’s a set formula to getting it right in the relationships department but will try to be more patient and understanding. I discovered having short breaks from each other is a good idea after a spat. There was one incident where I was pissed off with the kangaroo and we had separate plans for the night. I focused on the people I was meeting instead of stewing over what I was mad about. By the time I got home, my anger had evaporated and it felt like a silly thing to get upset over in the first place. Well, this is my contribution to all the troubled expat women out there.

Before the kangaroo hopped out of the country for a long business trip, he thought hanging out in Tokyo Disneyland would be a great way to spend some quality time. Aww…

Dressed to kill in my spring outfit, I relished wearing a skirt after months of encasing my legs in jeans and thick socks.

It took us an hour or so to get there. As the train approached the JR Maihama Station, we could see from a far that this was definitely Disney town.

Snuck in a shot of the kangaroo’s butt as we were boarding the Disney train. Check out the Mickey-shaped windows.

…and the Mickey-shaped handles. Too cute.

A grand entrance

Piped symphonic music boomed at us as we passed through the ticket gates. It felt surreal, especially since a strong breeze whipped up. Everything was so colourful and larger than life.

We felt like we were in Italy – haha! The pseudo European architecture sure lent a dreamy feel to Disneyland. The last time I was in Tokyo Disneyland was when I was a wee three-years-old. Obviously, I don’t remember much of it except the fun moments captured on pictures.

Disney shows aren’t bad at all…

After a tasty roast chicken lunch at what looked like Snow White’s kitchen, Mr. D was keen as beans to watch a show. I was more enthused about the rides and thought the shows would be cheesy as hell. But you know, leave those cynical remarks at the door and enjoy Disney for what it is. The formations made by the showboats were impressive, humorous and entertaining. It was such a laugh to listen to Mickey Mouse speak in Japanese. Yes, everything is in nihongo here.

The weather was chilly with sharp winds and grey clouds — that wasn’t supposed to happen! The news report said there was going to be rain the next day. Well, big freezing drops started falling…

Wet rollercoaster ride

I know this is quite an ugly photo but it was from my viewpoint in the queue for the Raging Spirits rollercoaster ride. My spring outfit got drenched while we waited in the queue for 80 minutes. Beware of the never-ending queues. I never thought that this would be a problem. But the amusement park is pretty efficient — they hand out a fixed number of Fast Pass tickets so you can skip the regular standby queues. If we had known, we would’ve loaded up on those Fast Passes but they were not available by 4pm. You have to get these earlier in the day.

My enthusiasm for Disneyland plummeted at the thought of waiting for 80 minutes (they have signs to inform you how long you have to wait at each ride). But surprisingly, this time went by quite quickly. The kangaroo was great at cracking jokes to lift my spirits: “Hey babe, look, there’s some blue in the sky! It’s clearing!” And it was still raining a heavy drizzle. He can be very silly and he always makes me laugh. We started reading the caution signs around us as they were in Japanese.

…and it was worth the wait. Five unadulterated minutes of screaming and strapped to a speed demon of a machine felt awesome. “A lot of build up and a tiny portion of fun — kinda like Japanese meals, eh?” quipped the kangaroo.

Ariel’s Playroom

I told Mr. D that my younger sister and I watched the Little Mermaid ad nauseum when we were kids, so he thought we should visit what looked like Ariel’s playground.

It was a really cool room with the Under the Sea theme but the rides were definitely for kids only. Kawaiiii…

Fast-tracking tactics

We were adamant on not lining up for hours. We discovered the fine print on our brochures that said if you were a single rider, you could jump the queue to the front. I think they always needed singles to fill up the odd number groups because a lot of the rides had even numbered seats.

So Mr. D and played strangers who met at Disneyland haha! I thought it was a great idea. What would spoil my fun was to stand in a line for three hours to get seven minutes of entertainment. We noticed that hardly anyone would take the single rider route. The kangaroo told me before that in Japan, being alone is embarrassing, and that kind of makes you a social anomaly. We had no qualms at all obviously and we would talk excitedly about how our rides went at the exit.

Strolling around

You can play carnival games and win plush Mickeys and Minnies. I would’ve loved to try this but the queues were ridiculous.

The ladies are called “Princess” — funny.

Winding down

After all our rides (the Indian Jones Adventure: Temple of the Crystal Skull was the best), we tucked into delicious salads and red wine at a medieval-style lounge bar. Those are Mr.D’s famous bunny fingers. They usually make an appearance on every special outing or trip.

Boom booms

I know this picture doesn’t look like much but the fireworks show we watched was amazing. Mr. D hugged my waist while fireworks exploded in the sky. Very romantic, I must say. Highly recommended for couples.

Disney has departos

There are department stores in Disneyland in every themed port — from Mysterious Island to the Arabian Coast.

Check out Mickey in the form of Japanese biccies. The amount of merchandise was out of this world.

Mr D. was impressed by Disney as a business: “People would pay to queue — now that’s a great business.” It’s very funny when he makes these comments — his head space is always about thinking how to make moolah.

A parting gift

Cute, eh? We got into the habit of buying small soft toys to remember our trips. They will be the new additions to the Aussie friends in my collection. I felt all fuzzy when we finished the night with a cocktail at the Teddy Roosevelt Lounge in America Town.

I started a Singaporean Expat group on Meetup.com. So far there are 11 people in the list, so I thought, hey, why don’t I create an event? I’ve been waiting for someone to suggest an outing or dinner but for these six months, no one has.

If there’s anything I am learning in the land of the rising sun, it’s to take the initiative. I spent a bit of time feeling sorry for myself and thinking I have a paltry number of friends, if I can call them that, in this cold, cold city. So I’m going out to find myself new friends. I have joined a few groups already but I think it’s always better to continue socializing and not close your circle.

On 6 April, I hope at least a few peeps will come and have dinner at Singaporean restaurant, Hainan Jeefan Shokudo 2, in Ebisu, where they serve yummy chicken rice and other hawker faves on classy plates.

If all else fails, I’ll just drag a friend or two to give moral support.

Wish me luck!

This morning, I gave the kangaroo a hard time. I’ve been asking him to come out with my new friends but he said he’s been too busy. Some of these new buddies are couples and they are very keen to meet him.

Mr. D tends to be just comfortable with two sets of friends we have — Scott and Megumi; Adrian and Kazuko. There’s Mike but he’s more of a work friend. Drat it, he’s a pretty cool friend. Anyways.

I complained that he doesn’t make an effort to remember my new friends’ names. I update him on who I meet or the funny things they say. But when I mention them again, it just draws a blank look from the kangaroo. I also whined that my new acquaintances probably think I have an imaginary boyfriend. The kangaroo quipped: “Tell them I am too busy working so I can provide for you and our Akasaka palace.” I had to laugh. He pays a ridiculous amount for the closet we live in.

In the bigger scheme of things, this is actually nothing. I feel bad for kicking up a bit of fuss after brekkie today. I do see how hard he works. Last night, he was on the phone from the minute he stepped into the shoebox, 7pm till 930pm. By the way, he’s back to South Beaching, so the kangaroo was doing all this on an empty stomach. He has trouble waking up at ungodly hours to make conference calls.

Over dinner with Steve and Fleur (friends from Sydney) a few months ago, the kangaroo sheepishly told them that I probably know more about Tokyo and speak better Japanese than him because he’s never around in Japan to absorb much of the language and culture. He said: “Astro arrived for a week and then I was gone for a month!” I laughed and threw a napkin at him: “Yeah, tell me why I’m with you again?”

Steve jokingly growled a response: “He’s doing this because he has to upkeep the lifestyle you’re accustomed to!” Women, he must’ve muttered to himself.

I hope that there will moments when he’s not so busy and we can do couple stuff together.

…Only for five days this time. The kangaroo has some pressing business in Beijing. He lamented his mando has deteriorated since coming to Japan.

I think I’m getting better at this. The last time he was away for a week, I lined up many activities and stocked up the fridge with comfort food. I didn’t even need to eat all that much ice-cream in the end because I was so tired at the end of the day that I crashed into bed shortly after my night shower. I’m also more familiar with the triggers that pull my mood down.

Staying in the shoebox for more than four or five hours to do work just does emotional acrobatics to my brain. I get so claustrophobic and frustrated. Time crawls, too. I have a tendency to fidget about (cut my nails, fix myself a Milo, sneak in a news article or blog entry etc.) and not get anything productive done.

Too much caffeine gets me all wired and depressed. I restrict myself to one coffee in the morning and an after-lunch tea. I used to chug down tea and coffee all day long — by evening I’d be jumping out of my skin. Too much sugar shoots up your serotonin levels but plummet once the happy chemicals are flat.

Also, I try to set up a dinner date or two, so I won’t feel so cut off from the real world. I wonder whom I will hang out with this week?

Now I’m off to Starbucks, my living room, where there’s a kitchen oozing the aroma of coffee all day long.

The kangaroo told me he may have to move countries in three months’ time. In some ways I’m rejoicing it, but again, it makes me crave for certainty and stability.

Life is hard in Japan because of our circumstances. I feel restricted and perhaps I’m feeling this way because I just had a “I’m sick of Japan” day. I told him I wasn’t keen on sushi for dinner and would rather have Indian. In fact, I feel like dragging him to the Singaporean restaurant in Roppongi to have familiar flavours in my mouth.

I dislike myself in these moments, too, when I’m supposed to be adventurous and excited about the new and unpredictable. Maybe it’s because the thought of starting over is a challenge I’d like to put off for a while, but yet, living in different environments is my dream come true.

There are days where I am filled with wonder, but today, I keep thinking about why I’m so different from everyone else. I suppose leaving behind less than desirable friendships back home makes me want to search for more satisfying relationships elsewhere. But what I found is, I am still a whole lot more different than anyone whom I’ve met here — and I’m not just talking about the locals but the expats, too. Is my search for a new place really a fumble for people and things that are similar to me at the end of the day?

That’s incredibly short-sighted and ignorant of me. It’s part and parcel of relocation — differences in everything. I’ll probably feel great about Tokyo tomorrow and refuse to leave. Ha.

I’m proud to say that Derek and I are getting out more. We just watched our first movie in Tokyo — Marie Antoinette — at Roppongi Hills’ Toho Theater.

Before that, we headed to a kaiten (conveyor belt) sushi joint, Pintokona in the basement of Roppongi Hills. The offerings were fresh and delicious.

When we were done, the waitress came over with this huge remote control to scan the types of plates we had. She slipped a plastic card into our hands and ushered us to the cashier. High-tech, eh?

I wanted to take a picture of this gadget but the waitress thought we wanted to take a picture of us.

This is my first time drinking matcha type of green tea. Usually I see tea bags in a box on the counter at kaiten sushi places, but here, you scoop the green tea powder and flush it with hot water. What materializes is a dark green beverage. It tastes rather heavy and the caffeine sure packs a punch. I didn’t fall asleep after this satisfying meal. On average we tucked into six to seven plates each and the bill came up to over 3000 yen.