Lioness in Japan

I’m not really sure what I did in Boston when we breezed in on the Amtrak from New York the Monday before last.

I had a couple of Japanese lessons on Skype, changed hotels, ordered room service twice, and shopped at Copley Place. It was also too cold to walk around so I literally walked from my hotel through the arcades that connected Prudential and Copley Place which had Sephora and Neiman Marcus.

When people refer to my trip as a holiday, it really doesn’t feel like one and I don’t mean it in a bad way. I’m working less obviously but I’m still blogging at Beauty Box (plus day-to-day business related emails) and continuing my Japanese lessons, so it’s more like I’m living my life but in different cities, if that makes sense. Plus a bit if shopping thrown in, of course…

The kangaroo brought back two big packs of Korean tea and traditional sweet rice crackers.

This comment couldn’t help escape my lips, “Are you going to give me bad news?”

I know, I’m AWFUL!

But in my defense, the kangaroo never buys back anything from his trips. It’s not that I mind at all because he goes away so frequently that it would be crazy for him to bring back a special gift each and every time. Also, he is such a fanatic about not checking in any luggage when he travels so limited space means no gifts.

And if he’s particularly nice to me, it’s usually because he has to disappear for yet another business trip on top of his planned schedule.

Such a conversation would proceed like this, “Babe, let’s have a nice dinner out, just two of us.” Or it could be a movie and dim sum – my fave combo of all time…

Then at said dinner, he would tell me, “Oh I need to travel to country X before my original date, so I’ll be leaving in two days’ time instead of a week.” Oh ok, thanks for the dim sum.

Anyway, I think he just wanted to be nice and I made up for my remark by eating some of the crackers and exclaiming how yummy they were. And the herbal tea sachets were great, too, especially the ginger and jujube teas.

One of the things I never fail to do when I’m in NYC is a scenic run through Central Park. I love soaking in the elegant lawns and trees and imagine I’m actually running through countless movies that filmed in this famous location.

It’s been exceptionally sunny in NYC this late winter/early spring. My Uniqlo heat tech tops have absolutely no place in this lovely weather.

On a side note as a trailing spouse, I had a few misgivings on how I would while my days away here as the kangaroo worked feverishly, but I can safely say you can never be bored in NYC! I love the diversity in everything and even relish the not-so-perfect things. I realize I really miss a more Western/cosmopolitan type of culture and society…

I’m actually in New York and have been for a few days. I don’t really know how to explain why I’m here, except that I slipped on my trailing spouse shoes and hit the yellow brick road with my road warrior kangaroo.

It’s not easy being apart so we are trying a new thing. Wish me luck.

We sometimes talk about moving to this city and it would be a dream though I’m not sure if I’m made for New York. Tokyo is “nice” because people have a polite front, most of the time anyway, and people are really forgiving in terms of social awkwardness. But New York chews you up and spits you out with your head spinning and your bum skidding on the sidewalk.

More reporting will follow soon about my travels here…

Yep, the kangaroo is away on business, and as usual, he’s gone for five to six weeks. “Don’t you get lonely?” is a question I get asked more often than I’d like to count because it’s uncomfortable admitting something so “weak” but it is a huge problem in the trailing spouse world.

If you’ve got a regular job, this may not be such a big deal, because the key concerns of a trailing partner without a standard 9-to-5 job is the lack of human interaction and self-fulfillment.

I started thinking about this again when I read an article about Naoko Yamazaki, Japan’s first mom to catapult into space. Her training spanned several countries so her husband, Taichi, quit his space controller job to keep the family unit together (they have a daughter). They nearly got a divorce because Taichi was deeply unhappy with his role as a homemaker — even suicidal — compounded by the fact he couldn’t find a job in the US.

[...]

The kangaroo is home after a 7-week round the world business trip and when he chills out, he likes putting nice touches to our apartment.

Our wild strawberries were planted the last time he was in town so it was fantastic to see the first little fruit dangling just behind a curtain of leaves.

[...]

I don’t have a clear answer to this but I will talk about what to expect if you do tag along with your corporate warrior.

When your partner invites you, it is with all good intentions and he’s likely to be a multi-tasking fiend — business and pleasure all rolled into one.

But, in reality, it’s not possible to spend much time together because he would most probably be working long hours. If you are going to tag along, know that you will be a solo tourist. I blogged about my first and only time I followed the kangaroo on business here — I enjoyed it because I had not been to Seoul or Beijing before but I had a few revelations.

[...]

Ever wonder why you are suddenly so needy? It seems to spoil everything — you don’t have a peace of mind and it’s affecting your relationship with your other half.

This is definitely a big issue with those of us who flew to a foreign land without a job or friends, to support our loved one in their career.

Once the novelty of a new place is over, life becomes s-l-o-w and you don’t want to be a tourist anymore and you think, “Dammit, I wish someone would call me for an interview!” You’re bored and you hate not having anything to do from Mon to Fri.

Without an independent income and something “big” to occupy most of your thoughts, you actually start letting the seeds of self-doubt fester in your mind and heart. “Why can’t I get a job?”, “I feel like I have nothing to contribute”, “I don’t have anything interesting to say”, “I’m just a housewife/lady of leisure”, “What if he finds me a drag?” etc.

[...]

It’s been a while since I wrote something on trailing partner/spouse issues and I’m currently in the thick of a long absence from the kangaroo (seven weeks this time), so it’s probably also the time my mind delves into such things.

I’ve said it several times before that one of the things that trailing partners face is the enormous travel their corporate warrior half has to do. Then, that puts you in a long distance type of situation where you probably communicate more through emails, text messages, and Skype, than in person.

A piece of information culled from a survey about long distance relationships is that it doesn’t feel easier over time. I think the anxiety of parting is much more about the impending loneliness and the feeling of abandonment. I want to stress that this is interesting to know and not necessarily bad. It’s just the way it is and there are strategies to remedy the negative factors.

[...]

Photo: imeanhoneybee

In my last post on this topic, I talked about how to handle mental frustration and resentment as a trailing partner, so today I will continue to give practical solutions to typical emotions we face as being partners of globe-trotting individuals.

[...]