Lioness in Japan

Since our new house is bigger, it’s also colder. I’ve bought new blankets, Uniqlo heat tech long johns, socks, sweaters, hoodies to keep warm while I work at home. It’s been really hard on my Singaporean tropical self — it just ain’t natural to be this cold all the time.

That’s me with a hot water bottle, a fleece blanket, and Ugg boots.

Hot water bottles (or ゆたんぽ）in Japan are hard plastic bottles that can take hot boiling water without crumpling. Mine comes with a cute green and white polka dotted flannel sleeve as it can feel quite hot without one.

How are you keeping warm this winter?

Happy Chinese New Year!! May the year of the Water Dragon be prosperous and full of happiness for you!

The one thing that sucks about living abroad is not being able to celebrate Chinese New Year with my family. Despite the idiosyncrasies faced in any family gathering, I still really enjoy getting together, eating, catching up, and just hanging out doing nothing much. It didn’t feel like a big deal when I could celebrate every year without fail, but when I couldn’t, it became a huge deal.

I went through a phase where I just shrugged it off, but I honestly felt twinges of sadness inwardly, and that’s probably why the kangaroo had no idea it was such a big deal to me for years. I would go out for a CNY eve dinner with various friends, but in recent years, I started throwing CNY dinner parties at our place because the kangaroo would invariably be travelling for business during that time (post Dec/Jan travel is a must for his work).

So this year, I will be holding a joint party with another Chinese Singaporean friend but that’s next Saturday and I still wanted to do something special somehow on the eve and the universe answered.

I had a dim sum lunch with my Japanese gal pals at Tsim Sha Tsui. I would highly recommend this place — it’s authentic and cheap, complete with a Cantonese-speaking waitress.

By the way, I ate most of this plate of pei dan or century egg because it really freaked out my Japanese friends. I wonder if they think I’m gross? LOL!

Then miraculously, I was asked to play tennis and then go for Chinese hot pot after. Spicy hotpot in Japan called hinabe and my Japanese friends loved it although they sweated and teared and drank a lot of beer in the whole process.

Our Chinese hot pot dinner was at Xiao Fei Yang in Shibuya. There’s quite a bit of MSG in the soup but it was still freaking amaze-balls.

So….I was a happy Chinese girl yesterday…and today…

Gosh another food post — I should really get my head out of my stomach, shouldn’t I?!

I’ve mentioned before that I get a lot of news about trends in Tokyo from my students and it really helps me keep my finger on the pulse because I’m going through a long phase of not turning on my TV.

What also surprises me till this day is that when I bring out really simple articles from the lifestyle news section, my students have the most to say about them. So thanks to this piece on macarons in NYC, I found out that ” fancy” desserts sold at convenient stores are taking Tokyo by storm.

Apparently, there were a few TV shows about conbini sweets (I picked up this habit of calling desserts, “sweets” or スウィツ in Japan, which confused me as it refers to hard candy in Singapore) that lauded conbini tiramisu and cheese cake as being high quality but are very affordable at 200-300JPY compared to department store prices that are 600-700JPY for something similar. I think they brought in a famous patisserie chef to taste these conbini sweets without being told they were so cheap and he gave his stamp of approval but was in shock when it was revealed they were sold at conbinis.

And one of my students said a conbini chain tied up with a famous patisserie chef to produce a range of desserts which were also wildly popular.

I’m not really a dessert person but I thought I would give it a go. Presentation-wise, it’s not bad at all though of course it comes in a plastic container and not a pretty cake box. But when I put it on a plate at home, it looked quite classy beyond its 200JPY price tag and decided to put this one up my sleeve as a lazy-day-dessert-option-but-still-want-to-impress-the-kangaroo idea.

Out of curiosity, I surveyed the dessert sections in all the conbini chains (Daily Yamazaki, Seven Eleven, Family Mart, Lawson) and I think Lawson does the best range with its brand of Uchi Cafe (that means home cafe) and you often find new cakes coming out every few weeks.

Heya, I thought you would like to read an interview I did with BlogExpat. The original is here if you want to surf over but I’ve cut and pasted it here as well. It was not edited at all to my surprise so here are my honest thoughts on living in Tokyo as an expat.

-

My name is Yu Ming and I’m from the Little Red Dot, also known as Singapore. I moved to Tokyo in Oct 2006 and from being just a “trailing spouse”, I’m running my own online business, Beauty Box, an online store that sells Japanese beauty products and supplements to the US and Canada.

1. Why did you move abroad?
My fiancé got a job with an Australian software company that needed someone to head up their Tokyo office. He moved there eight months before I did to have a feel for the place and to make sure he really liked the job. Once he decided it would be a permanent location for us, he asked me to move to Japan, so I quit my job, packed my bags, and flew over.

2. How do you make a living (working? Tell us about your experience)?
I started out teaching English lessons to Japanese adults but at the same time I was blogging like a maniac and got right into social media. After a year or so, I started Beauty Box because there are so many amazing Japanese beauty products that people want to buy. I only sold them to Singapore and Malaysia initially and got my mother to help me ship out the orders — yes, I used to fly home with a suitcase full of products but that’s a thing of the past. There was more and more demand from the US, so I became an Amazon merchant and ship from Japan to the US. My home is also my office/warehouse. I still teach English part-time because I don’t really like staying at home 24/7 and I need some human interaction or I’d go stir-crazy, and I think teaching Japanese adults gives me the opportunity to interact with locals.

3. How often do you communicate with home and how?
I email my folks mainly but I would call on special occasions, like birthdays or Mother’s Day, via Skype.

4. What’s your favorite thing about being an expat in Japan?
Life is always interesting, not necessarily blissful, but never boring because Japan has such a different culture compared to any other.

5. What’s the worst thing about being an expat in Japan?
Not being understood even though I can speak Japanese (badly)! It can feel like a chore when you can’t communicate your basic needs.

6. What do you miss most?
Spicy food!!! But ask any Singaporean and they will tell you they miss the food back home more than the people.

7. What did you do to meet people and integrate in your new home?
I met anyone who was introduced to me by friends back home. I also took classes like yoga and joined running clubs because I think interest-based groups are the best way to meet like-minded people. At least you have ONE thing to talk about!

8. What custom/ habits do you find most strange about your adopted culture?
Japanese wear face masks when they’ve got the flu or hay fever so they keep others from catching it and prevent themselves from being further affected by the environment. It just looks too weird for me to emulate. In fact, I think it’s unhygienic to wear a mask all day long — you’re breathing in recycled germs! It also took me a while to appear less aggressive because people here are really measured and careful in their manners and attitude.

9. What is a myth about your adopted country?
That Japanese do not have emotions just because they wear a poker face. They have lots of feelings — they just run deeper.

10. What advice would you give other expats?
Learn Japanese from Day One no matter how short your stay is going to be because it’s through the language that you can truly get to communicate with others and understand the culture better. It’s really common sense but many foreigners choose not to because Japanese is such a difficult language — I’m still taking lessons even after living here for five years.

11. When and why did you start your blog?
I was a magazine journalist and writing has always been part of me — if I don’t write, I feel left out in the cold. I love to communicate with other people, and being an expat, I like to reach out to others who can relate to what I’m going through.

12. How has the blog been beneficial?
It gave me a sense of purpose, especially when I was unemployed, and it also helped direct traffic to the blog at my online store. I gained more confidence as I could give others advice on certain things that newbies would find hard and I also made a few friends here.

I wanted to write a post on friendship for the longest time but I couldn’t find an angle nor was I sure where I stood in the confusing swirl of relationships in the washing machine of my Tokyo life. And I wanted to be able to say something helpful to those who are flailing in this part of their lives and not some jaded introspective ramble.

But let me preface this by saying I don’t think I’m extremely successful in my social life here but I think I’ve come to some sort of peace and acceptance about the way things are.

I used to feel so upset that I was far away from my dear friends (scattered all over London, New York, and Singapore) and would be frustrated at the lack of meaningful friendships in my current home. Let me just say, it’s really all in the way you perceive things so hear me out…

Change your expectations. I bet you saw this one coming but it is true. You cannot expect to achieve the same level of depth in terms of friendship with people you just met compared to your old friends. You can’t expect to “just click” with people you don’t know. So then, what would you consider “meaningful” in your new context? I can’t spell it out for you as you’ve got to decide what you would accept for yourself. So for me, feelings of bonhomie, being asked out again for another outing, sharing stories and having a laugh are enough to fill the friendship component in my soul — that’s really not too shabby at all.

Spread it out. I think it’s easy to latch onto someone whom you think you like and you keep thinking you could be best pals but I think more and more in adult life, you encounter so many types of people who have different schedules, hobbies, budgets and preferences so one person can never fulfill all of your social needs. That’s why it’s wise to have a few compartments socially — different friends will be your companions for your different interests or needs.

Let it grow naturally. I think I’m not the only one to feel impatient when it comes to friendships — you wished that you could have instant friends who will just go out with you whenever you want, do whatever you like, and listen to you when you are down. In theory we all know that is impossible but it is very very very hard as an expat to get through this period where you are nurturing relationships — you are friendly enough but yet not friendly enough to be yourself 100%. Not all friendships would blossom so to speak despite putting in the effort to interact but some would – just wait and see.

Learn to like your own company. You will spend a lot of time alone, especially in the beginning stage of your expat experience. Even if you are working or have a spouse by your side, it can get lonely when you do not have friends. It just shows the average person needs more than just one person to feel happy and fulfilled. So in the midst of getting to know other people, you should try to appreciate going solo for a while. I’ve gone to movies, bars, restaurants, temples, shops, classes, parties all on my own. It’s not the easiest thing to do and it’s not always peachy but I know I’ve got the confidence to hit up whatever situation by myself. A big smile and a listening ear always pays off in a crowd you don’t know. And for “just-one” moments, simply enjoy the privilege of making your own choices and doing what you want to do with only yourself to cater to.

Always “sniff” the air (refer to my KY post here). It’s hard enough as it is to make great friends back in your own country, but as an expat, you are not only interacting with locals but also other expats from various countries. Basically, try to be more alert to other people’s actions and words so that you won’t offend them. My tip is to err on the side of caution — I think the best way to be is to always be civil and polite, don’t jump the gun, and be warm when it’s called for, or back off when it’s necessary.

Accept the ebb and flow of people coming and going. As a “longer” term resident of Tokyo, I’ve come to realize that while I’ve been blessed with knowing more people than I ever would if I’d remained in Singapore, I’ve also said goodbye to many friends, too. People don’t stay here long — anywhere from six months to two years is the average life span of an expat here.

There were times when I did think, “Why the hell do I even bother???” You go through this climb of getting to know somebody, and then just when things are great, they up and leave and they are no longer part of your life. But I think it’s really okay that it’s just the way it is — I feel like I’m living in the present now more than ever. I don’t really expect the friendships I make to travel in a certain direction or path. It may sound cold to some people but it’s really not. I enjoy the company I have now and if they are around five years later — great; if not, c’est la vie and if I needed a couch in Paris or Brisbane or Shanghai, I could ring an old expat friend up and see if I could stay.

Let go of how things were. Your old friendships will change, too. Well at least that happened to me. There’s something about friendship that erodes a little when you don’t see each other on a regular basis. I don’t mean that your loyalty and sincerity will change for the worse; they are still there, but if you are in different locations, your lives will evolve and you are never quite exactly the same person you were, say five years ago. And if you are not changing together in the same place, it’s actually quite jarring to discover the changes when you do meet up after a long period of time.

Friendships are like nurturing a habit and the feeling of solidity comes from regular interaction in person. Yes, I know there is instant messaging and Skype etc. but it’s just different — take it from someone who is an old hand at long distance relationships and friendships. It sounds so bleak: you’re not feeling close to anyone in your current home nor your old one. Therein lies the internal conflict so my advice to you is to just accept it and relish whatever moments you get with any of your friends. It’s so easy to be distracted and let your mind flit to other more seemingly important things when you are with your pals, so stop doing that. I guess this is quite similar to my previous point but a part of the expat experience nonetheless.

Soooooo, that’s my two cents’ on how to go with the flow. If you catch yourself alone at home on a Saturday night, don’t despair. It will get better.

Photo credit: here

I spent a week in Singapore and returned to exactly the same weather in Tokyo…#$%&@!!! My non-Singaporean friends are always surprised when I tell them Singaporeans really hate the heat. Yeah, I know, we should be used to it but we’re real wusses when it’s hawt.

Recently, I was amazed by the number of “cooling” products at my local drugstore. I think this is more of a recent trend because I heard from friends that Tokyo summers were not so scorching a mere 8-10 years ago. And I think this year, there’ll be a lot more sweating since we are trying to save electricity thanks to the reduced energy situation at the moment.

I wonder why Singapore hasn’t been so inventive when it comes to these keep-you-as-cool-as-a-cucumber products. It gets really f–ing hot in the Little Red Dot, but I suppose, there is freezing air-conditioning indoors so you don’t really have to do much to fight the heat. From personal experience: my top and bra could be soaked with perspiration but they would dry up in about 30 min to an hour in the office. I don’t think anyone I knew would change in the office due to over-sweating in Singapore (do you?), but here, it’s normal to bring out an extra shirt and a small hand towel because indoor temperatures are a steamy 28 degrees.

Anyway, onto the snazzy products I spotted….

A cooling shirt spray where you spritz your shirt before putting it on and it should keep you cool for several hours.

These are Gatsby Body Sheet wipes…though I suppose they are no different from wet wipes for babies and this is just packaged for adults.

The above picture shows adhesive cooling gel sheets…basically they are mini gel packs that can stick onto the skin for about 10 minutes.

You can use them when you’re running a fever, or having a toothache, or nursing a burn, or seeking relief while working or studying.

These are cooling bath salts which I kinda don’t get. I know it’s summer and all but does anyone really want to sit in a cool bath? I mean does tap water get so hot it doesn’t feel cool? Even if it’s hot out, I still wouldn’t want to be in a cold bath. It makes me think of people who are suffering from severe fevers or something…

Okay, this pile of dehumidifiers does nothing for keeping cool but I chucked this one in because I think it really helps to fight mould from sneaking into your belongings in wardrobes and shoe cupboards. I don’t even see such horrific mould in hot and humid Singapore!! I just threw out a bunch of bags and shoes because they have gone mouldy from disuse.

I was at a Starbucks today and saw a group of six women simultaneously fanning themselves. I only caught two of them on my iPhone camera but it was quite comical to see them tittering away and fanning themselves furiously. Starbucks is definitely doing its national duty by keeping to the setsuden campaign. My companion bemoaned it was way hotter than her 29 degree C office. Whoo…

So what have you been doing to keep cool?

PS: I really have to get this one off my chest. One of my students cancelled lessons for an indefinite period of time because she has to cover for her co-worker who is depressed. At first, I just thought it was an excuse to quit but she went on to explain her colleague is by nature clinically depressed and has done this before in the past. Apparently, the most recent thing to push him over the edge despite being on medication was that he killed his pet monkey by mistake. He would sleep with his monkey in his bed, and being a small creature (who probably slept too soundly), it got squashed to death when it got rolled on. So now he has been given a long leave of absence to deal with his depression. Bizarre, right? Welcome to my world…

Sorry for the long MIA… I’ve been preoccupied with work and life (are there any other excuses?) and might I be a bit honest here? I think I’ve graduated from being so surprised by everything here in Tokyo. Good for me in terms of getting accustomed to Japan but bad for this blog.

But I was intrigued by something one of my students brought up yesterday. We read an article on Super Junior taking Paris by storm with two of their concerts earlier this month and our Korean wave conversation drifted to talking about Korean girl bands, namely Girls’ Generation. I’ve vaguely heard of them before but sort of dismissed them as being similar like AKB48, a hugely popular girl group in Japan.

My student promptly corrected me, “Korean singers are much more professional.”

“In what way?” I asked.

“They sing and dance better. Japanese singers just move their hands when they dance — they don’t look like they know how to really dance.”

And she’s absolutely right. I can really see the difference in their performing styles…Check out these two videos…

Girls’ Generation’s Run Devil Run video:

AKB48′s Baby Baby Baby video:

Why would a grown woman like me be so interested in girl groups? Just bear with me…

What I found intriguing was my student said that Girls’ Generation is insanely popular with Japanese women (wow, really?!) while AKB48 appeals to Japanese men. She feels that the Korean girl band emanates confidence and sensuality while the AKB48 girls appear infantile in their schoolgirl outfits and skinny bodies. Japanese women aspire to be as strong and sexy as Girls’ Generation while Japanese men are fixated on the sweet and innocent teenage girl who is kawaii on the outside but a naughty minx in the bedroom (just watch the intro of the AKB48 video).

Somehow, that just explains a lot about men and women in this country. I always hear sarky comments by Japanese women about Japanese men, “Yeah, they [Japanese men] only like cute and young girls.” So it seems if you are not cute and young, you are doomed like expired cake — you are left in the refrigerator to rot. Whoo, it is a tough crowd in this country to be an older woman, it seems. And that also explains why some women still cling onto the old-fashioned notion that men like their women unsullied and child-like…because some men really dig it.

BUT, may I stress that this is a stereotype and I’m sure there are many Japanese women who get married after 30 and some Japanese men prefer their women smokin’ hot as opposed to pretty and cute.

I know a one-source story is bad journalism but hey this is a peek into the type of opinions I hear daily from my students.

Hayaku: A Time Lapse Journey Through Japan from Brad Kremer on Vimeo.

This video kind of sums up how I look at Tokyo as a city — futuristic, fast uber-modern, traditional, busy, peaceful…

By the way, the local news is still full of Fukushima matters and the aftermath of the Mar 11 earthquake. People aren’t talking about it as much in person but you can definitely feel the consequences…For example, “cooling” clothes (i.e. easy to absorb sweat but also easy for sweat to evaporate) are really hot right now because everyone is anticipating an arduous summer due to air-conditioning set to 28 degrees C in a bid to save energy because the electricity grid is still not back to 100% with fewer operating nuclear plants.

On a personal level, I think my life has pretty much gone back to normal though friends and family are still worried about radiation and a surprising number of people are going to our Singapore wedding, instead of the one in Hokkaido. Perhaps it’s still too early to assume that and it could change in the next three months.

Yowsers, I’m quite the walking-talking bride who is up her arse thinking about wedding stuff all the time now… Bear with me. I will go back to normal soon.

Hi there, sorry for the long pauses but I’m actually wondering what to post during this strange time that we are going through in Tokyo. Don’t get me wrong — I’m okay, the kangaroo is okay, my friends and students are also fine, but life is still a little…different.

My Tokyo contacts are either promoting charity events or update whenever there is a significant shake…and there are quite a few farewells, too, due to earthquake and radiation fears. Some couples have broken up or gotten back together and there’s an overall feeling of reflection. I don’t think I’ve had a conversation that didn’t at least refer to Mar 11 in some way or other these past six weeks. I’m not complaining it’s all around me — I want to talk about it because it’s important, but this is the new “norm”, I would say.

I thought I would recount my time in Kyushu but before I bombard you with my pictures, I would like to state I’m sick of a certain word that describes gaijins who left Tokyo in the week that followed Mar 11. I’m not surprised that some folks are leaving permanently because they have a somewhat tenuous connection to Japan — and I say this without an ounce of judgement or criticism. If you don’t have a job or family keeping you here, you would leave for better pastures, too, earthquake or no. The average turnover for gaijins here is a mere two years so it’s not surprising this is happening.

This event made me call into question why I chose to live here and not somewhere else. There were moments when I thought my life here is shallow and I could start again in another country — another business; another set of friends — but it takes years to build either up and I simply cannot cut myself off from the bonds I have formed (however bittersweet or jaded I might feel sometimes from living in this strange city)…anyway, enough of that, I’m here to stay for now.

Anyway, where did I go? I zoomed away with friends to Saga, which is northwest of Fukuoka in Kyushu.

It’s a quaint little coastal town with blue waters lapping yellow beaches.

As mentioned, we didn’t do much except watch the news on the telly, surf the internet for more news in English, talk to friends and family on the phone, break with meals and we would round up the night with more than just a tipple or two. I drank copiously even though I knew it would make me feel worse for wear but it was stressful looking on at what was being reported in Tokyo and the Tohoku region at the time, and alcohol did cheer us up a little.

We took a very long stroll one day and got some new clothes at Uniqlo to tide us over. I realized that Uniqlo undies were not crap at all…In fact, I’ve got several pairs now — I would recommend getting them.

Four days later, the kangaroo and I jumped into our rental car and hurtled towards Miyazaki where a volcano just had erupted a few days before our arrival. It felt like we couldn’t quite escape the effects of the restless and disturbed plates shifting beneath all of Japan. But when we arrived there was no sign at all of a spewing angry volcano…

We did much needed laundry and learned laundromat vocabulary in Japanese but not in time to figure out we didn’t need to chuck in detergent with our clothes as the machine provided everything including softener.

The kangaroo had the much famed Miyazaki beef — incredibly marbled and juicy according to the carnivore of our household. As a side note, he relishes in describing the thick steaks he imbibes on his US business trips which thoroughly disgust me with his torrid descriptions of perfect bloodiness and how the meat was still mooing, so this holy grail experience was no different. I just took a bite of his salad and all I can say it was pretty good and devoid of cow juice…

Although our time in Miyazaki was spent mostly holed up in our hotel room working, we did venture out for jogs in the nearby pine forest and some sightseeing.

We stopped by a fertility and marital temple — cool, we could use some luck there…One wedding typically stresses the hell out of most people and we are having two…

So you’re supposed to throw a number of clay pebbles at a circle made of rope down by the rocks from a cliffpoint where the temple is. If you get a pebble in the circle, you will be blessed with luck. There were detailed instructions on the sign: men have to throw with their left hand and women with their right.

Ready ready ready steady…go!

He didn’t get any in and neither did I — oh no, our wedding and marriage are in hot soup now!!

Miyazaki was nice but I would have rather gone under different circumstances. Did I think it was necessary to have left? Yes and no. Yes because we didn’t know what was going on but no because the Fukushima situation actually got worse after we returned to Tokyo, though there are no more scary explosions.

I thought this was a fitting goodbye from Miyazaki…

A big old ash cloud…Time to go home, folks…

Even the road signs warned us of the ash cloud looming…

I hope to return to Kyushu again, though…it’s a gorgeous island to drive around especially down the coast where there are a plethora of sights to see for tourists.

Wow, has it really been a month already? It’s April 11th and we just had a big aftershock shortly after 5pm. I was concerned as it swayed for quite a while and then a series of smaller aftershocks rumbled through the city after that. I wasn’t really scared but I was bothered enough to turn on the news and write an update on Facebook. But I think it was important to check the news in case it might’ve been more serious than I’d perceived it to be…

Onto happier things, I didn’t take very good photos during this hanami season — I was too busy chatting with my friends so I think it was a good thing I experienced more than snapped pictures.

Yesterday’s hanami was truly magical with sunny blue skies and sakuras blooming in full force. I nicked this shot from my friend, Deanne’s photos because it was so gorgeous.

The Tokyo governor’s call for sobriety and restraint in the wake of the Mar 11 temblor was ignored – ha. People need to get on with life here and there’s no point moping around the place.

He still got voted back in the fourth time in a row (he was also the dumbass who said the Tohoku earthquake was “divine punishment” because we have all been so “greedy”). How does such a political monkey get re-elected time after time is mystifying.

I think people still partied as usual. I felt a happy uplifting vibe in the crowds at Yoyogi Park yesterday and it put me in a superb mood.

Last Sunday’s hanami was fun but grey because it was overcast. The freezing cold put a damper on things but I was just glad to finally meet my friends who had returned from their home countries — Tokyo felt empty without them — yay to friends!

It was a relief to commiserate with each other, to share stories, opinions, advice, conspiracy theories to do with the earthquake/tsunami and the Fukushima nuclear reactors.

I love hanami season but every year I’m always reminded of two things I hate: sitting in the cold despite being rugged up (had two heat pads in my coat) and queuing for the toilet. The lines are always dauntingly long and it feels like a waste of time to queue for an hour just to pee. For the past two hanamis, I refused to drink any alcohol for the plain reason that I didn’t want to miss out on the fun by standing by myself twitching with needing to go badly for hours. I’m becoming an oba-san (old lady).