lioness in japan » Couple talk

Understanding Japanese women

yuming — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 04:58:51 +0000

I stumbled upon this e-book, Understanding Japanese Women, as I was surfing around yesterday for English teaching material (yes, I’ve gone back to teaching conversational English as a part-time thing) and I perused it with the expectation that this was going to be a cheesy dating handbook.

But it wasn’t. I was truly surprised to find it not only witty, but full of useful information in just the sampler I downloaded. It may be angled at Western men looking to date Japanese women but I can see that there are layers of cultural tips you can glean if you have a keen interest in socializing with Japanese.

I’m tempted to download the whole e-book because it might help me understand my students who are predominantly female and it also looks like an interesting read about Japanese society and culture.

For example, Japanese women tend to speak negatively of their partners — even in front of them and not in a joking, teasing way. I have a friend who does exactly this and I assumed she was very unhappy with her husband to bring up his bad points over and over again to the point that I thought they had serious marital problems.

After reading this excerpt, I began to understand that this “gesture” just means she likes talking about him but to speak in glowing terms would be like showing off. I guess It’s got some blanket Asian attitude to this point in the sense that it’s bad form to brag about your “assets”. It’s sort of similar to very traditional Asian parents who criticize their children relentlessly in front of others.

Another point I found interesting was the rule of apologizing twice. For any wrongdoing, you should say sorry right after the misdeed and then another time when you next meet. If you don’t do it the second time, it would make your first apology seem insincere.

Also, “yes” doesn’t necessarily mean “yes, I’m listening and understanding what you are saying”, it’s just a translation of hai as a response to whatever you are talking about. You need to ask more specific questions to gauge what the “yes” means.

There was a section where the author describes dating a 29-year-old woman who had a curfew because she still lived with her parents. I just laughed out loud as I could absolutely relate to this.

Many moons ago, the kangaroo also scratched his head over this one. We would wine and dine, head back to his place to canoodle, and around 2am I would pack my things and dash out of the door because I still lived with my folks at the time and my mother, in particular, would’ve had a fit if I didn’t come home.

The kangaroo thought I didn’t like him very much and even consulted his colleague, who was also dating a Singaporean girl. He was reassured it was “normal”. I must say that first month of displaying such “mysterious” behaviour made the chase more exciting for the kangaroo and I enjoyed being the focus of his very ardent attention…

Anyway, back to the e-book: The Japan Times gave an excellent review and this is looking more and more like a great weekend read.

Honto choco on a Saturday morning

yuming — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 03:04:58 +0000

I honestly didn’t expect anything from the kangaroo on Valentine’s Day. It’s become kind of embarrassing to celebrate, especially in the land of giri choco (obligation chocolate) where it’s more work-related and only teenagers give honto choco (sincere/romantic chocolate).

But I secretly love receiving flowers and chocolate from the kangaroo and it’s especially sweet when he’s on the road with a million things to do.

Aww… It’s probably the most cutesy ensemble he’s got me so far. In our first year doing long distance, he got me two bouquets — one for the office and one for home. I was very spoiled, I know. But I’m glad there’s still some romance going on in our five-and-a-half-year relationship.

The kangaroo once told me that he would never forget Valentine’s Day whether or not his girlfriend is into it or not. Apparently a very ex-girlfriend gave him hell for not getting her something despite pooh-poohing the whole concept.

My stand on it is, yes, it’s a commercialized day where retailers laugh all the way to the bank and dumb consumers fall for everything red, fluffy, and saccharine. But if it means getting a little za-za-zoo in your gut from a long-time lover, I’m all for it.

This makes me cheery before I start work

yuming — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:32:23 +0000

Cupcakes on my desktop!

You can download them here at the Apple website. They have tons of other cool and quirky icons to dress up your beloved Mac.

By the way, did I mention the kangaroo has evolved from being a PC to a Mac — in spirit at least. During our Sydney holiday, he was so frustrated with his Vista-powered machine that he declared his next purchase will be a…..MAC.

I didn’t do a thing to influence him (he used to inflict insults on my Mac, like “Macs just don’t have the grunt of a PC!”) nor was it just a perfect alignment of the stars when he made that earth-shattering announcement. He even bought Apple shares and an iPhone.

Who says men can’t change?

Our Phone: The sorest spot in the house

yuming — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 03:02:39 +0000

Apart from buying a piece of glass (thinking it was a bench) and going through the nightmare of applying for an apartment, I think Tokyo hasn’t been too harsh on me. I always feel lucky that I can read most kanji and even enjoy getting reacquainted with Mandarin, my mother tongue, which has gone rusty from lack of use.

But sometimes, I would feel like I’m a two-year-old pretending to be an adult. This moment came every time I sent in a new application form for a telephone land line. In all, I have sent six forms. They were rejected because they were either filled in wrongly or the telephone company claimed they didn’t receive it. The last form was also exactly the same as the first one we filled in that wasn’t successful. What the hell was going on? Well, the ordeal is finally over and we got our phone.

Ironically, the kangaroo is not around to use it because the idea of the land line was an alternative to unstable Skype calls and mobile phones. It was also cheaper on the wallet as overseas calls on a keitai are astronomical. And I’m also predicting that I would feel miffed when I might have to return this adaptor unused because the kangaroo will tell me we are moving to another country after his round-the-world job hunt.

Anyway, back to my story: I have a strong feeling that most Tokyoites have a land line in the office and just use their keitais at home, so I concluded it was a phantom service that no one really knew how to apply for. Even my hapless Japanese teacher despaired over helping me fill in every one of those five forms.

The last one was done by the kangaroo’s sensei but I lied to mine saying we got a friend to do it for us. I really didn’t want her to feel inadequate. I figured that a sixty-year-old lady wouldn’t know much about technology and many things probably got lost in translation.

Here are the myriad of problems I think that went on:

The credit card holder’s name didn’t match the applicant’s name. In Singapore you could apply for a service but get your parents or sister or husband or SOMEBODY to pay for it. Well, I should’ve known that in Japan, that would be too risky. This mistake got us rejected thrice.

Filling up the wrong form.The several other forms I filled in were probably the wrong ones as the last application got what we wanted. I have no idea what my Japanese teacher thought I wanted — we just wanted a telephone, not a keitai, just a phone, not broadband, just one phone.

Bad handwriting in Japanese. I think the smudges and messy corrections didn’t help the process. Maybe they mistook a troll trying to get a phone.

Long turnover time. We were supposed to wait three weeks for the phone adaptor to arrive after submitting the form. If the phone adaptor didn’t arrive after a month, I would get my sensei to call customer service and they would give us some excuse why it wasn’t approved, and then I would start the whole application process again. Since we got it wrong five times, we had to wait six months to get it sent.

Mismatched account numbers. It got so tedious that even the customer service staff told us to apply through their website because it would go into their system immediately (but we would still have to wait three weeks for the adaptor to arrive). Also, we needed a username and password to log into their application form link — and we didn’t have one because we weren’t customers yet. Then it came to light that we were already registered but under our landlord’s account! So the last form was successful because it was tagged onto his present broadband account. Apparently our address and customer account number had to match so our application didn’t go through because we were trying to be new customers when we weren’t (Are you still with me? If you are, congrads!)

On the bright side of things, I chanced upon an excellent script for making reservations at a ryokan (traditional Japanese inn). Bikurishita (What a surprise)!

I used to dread making hotel reservations over the phone because I was never very good at dates (but I am working hard on this) and I simply had no idea what they were saying 70% of the time. Now with the dialogue in front of me, I can finally understand what was gibberish before! It was all clouded in honorific and humble forms (which have three times more characters which do not sound at all like their root verb)!

A Singaporean friend is coming to holiday in Japan soon and she needs help in making reservations for the Kyoto leg of her trip. No fear, I won’t mess it up this time.

It’s all about the food

yuming — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 07:38:52 +0000

When I come back to Singapore, I fix my schedule according to what I want to eat. It sounds so controlling and obsessive, but I am sure others in my position think the same.

You see the flavours of Japan can get a little too subtle for me and the two-week lead up to a home visit always makes my taste buds particularly restless.

When I touched down on Friday night, the kangaroo informed me he was at a friend’s apartment drinking wine and listening to music.

I didn’t mind zipping down to meet him, but before I did, I stopped by the Fei Fei wanton mee stall at Joo Chiat Place for a few packets. Kind of like a “welcome back” gift from me to my friends but I honestly just wanted to eat something with chilli. It was so good that I have no pictures of it — we scarfed it all down.

Singapore is developing at a crazy pace and over time I find certain familiar places have been replaced with new buildings or there are cool new hangouts which make me feel like a tourist in my own country.

But, one thing that is never strange to me is Singapore’s glorious hawker food. Here are a few old favourites I had over the weekend…

Day One

The kangaroo and I love the Killiney Kopitiam at Siglap. Every Saturday is lontong day and it was a ritual we kept up even when the kangaroo flew in from Melbourne or Tokyo to visit me when I was still living here. It was nice to know they made their own line of mineral water — business must be thriving and I hope they will stick around for a long time to come.

Every bit of gravy was savoured — and I tend to eat tofu, veggies, rice cakes, and egg in that order. The kangaroo dips his kaya toast in his leftover gravy. This is a habit that is similar to the way he speaks Mandarin and Japanese where he makes up his own rules and enjoys playing linguistic games.

Killiney Kopitiam is not known for its carrot cake but this was a decent version that was crispy and piping hot. I liked it that it was not too spicy because the lontong was already very rich and heavy.

Day Two

Over what must be the speediest gal talk session ever today, Azure and I lapped up Katong laksa, otak, and nasi lemak, washed down with some sweet longan drink.

The sambal (not pictured) was to die for. The milky coconut gravy and slivers of succulent fish cake were just what the doctor ordered. I had a tipple or two more than I should’ve the night before but this spicy treat set me right.

The otak wasn’t so great on its own but when I swirled it around in the laksa gravy, it tasted sensational!

These triangular pandang leaf nasi lemak packets are so nostalgic for me. It was always a cheap, tasty, and quick breakfast when I was in university or working as a content editor at a start up.

Azure and I concluded that Chinese-style nasi lemak wasn’t as good as the Malay version — this one was a little too salty and there was no egg or cucumber.

This “cooling” longan cocktail seemed like the right choice after all that “heaty” food. For my non-Singaporean readers, this is a Chinese concept based on “yin” (female) and “yang” (male). “Yin” refers to things that cool the body down, while “yang” objects stimulate heat. It’s an idea that the kangaroo doesn’t really get and thinks it’s folklore or old wives’ tales.

“You know the feeling have after eating too much chocolate? That’s heaty,” I once explained.

“Nope, I just feel like I had too much chocolate,” he said, sticking stubbornly to kangaroo logic.

Well, right now, I certainly feel heaty and have over-indulged so I will be squeezing in a run before a seafood pig-out with the foggies up in Seletar Hills.

Sick food

yuming — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 06:15:48 +0000

Last week, the kangaroo was unwell with exhaustion, flu, and two hangovers. I have never really thought about what he would like to eat when he gets sick until his last bout of flu which happened last month (he tends to get ill after his hardcore business trips).

Usually he hoovers anything on his plate, but that evening, he asked me what I was going to cook and I chirped, “Teriyaki salmon!”

“Oh babe, nooooooo. No salmon. That’s not sick food.”

I was so puzzled, “Honey, why not?”

“It’s just not sick food. Remember I grew up on a farm and never had any seafood until I was 20.”

I was tickled but dismayed: What do I cook?

You would think it is strange that I have only discovered this after living together for so long — beats me, too. Hey, you realize new things about your partner no matter how long you have been a couple.

Either I have never attempted fish when he was sick or he did have fish but was silently queasy. Though I do recall some time ago we both had an exhausting week and I shopped for food with zero enthusiasm for cooking. My grilled red snapper and leftover curried veggies smelled even a tad too pungent for me. The kangaroo declared he was running a fever and chose to pick on his veggies before climbing into bed.

When I was ill with severe stomach flu, he ran out to get me…..green Mountain Dew. My Chinese stomach lurched at the thought but he must’ve thought the lemon-lime flavour would help my troubled tum. He apologised for not being able to find 7-Up which is what he likes to drink when he is sick.

To be honest, when I am ill, I would gravitate towards chicken and macaroni soup, fish porridge, steamed fish, or…..laksa (if my stomach is not affected). I totally believe in the idea of sweating it out when you’ve got a fever, so eating something spicy would be ideal.

I know it looks like a bowl of orange horror but it tastes like heaven to a Singaporean. I don’t have access to good fish cake here so I use king oyster mushrooms, yaki (fried) tofu, xiao bai cai (green leafy Chinese vegetable with pale green stems)

It’s a small part of our cross-cultural relationship and I am sure others would have sort of the same experiences. Being in a mixed couple, you are happy to mingle with another culture daily, but when you are feeling run down, you just want comfort food — kind of like being an expat overseas, too.

So, I thought that I should make my kitchen more kangaroo-friendly last week and it was fun trying out new recipes. Lest you think I hunted around for ideas, I actually follow and comment on a bunch of healthy food blogs in my RSS reader, which is part of my work. I was happy that I stumbled upon a couple of easy angmoh (Western) recipes.

This is a light summer chicken dish made with capers, chopped onion, garlic and lemon. I tossed some eggplant and cucumbers onto the fish grill and this was done in less than 30 minutes.

The kangaroo licked his chops although he had not much appetite — I don’t think my cooking is that out of this world but he is encouraging enough. If I didn’t cook, we would both be eating pizza and ramen daily. This is not only tasty but it’s made of cheap, healthy ingredients. Try it when you are tired at the end of the day but want something easy to make.

The next day, the kangaroo was still sick so I wondered what to make again. Thankfully, I chanced upon the word meatballs and thought, “That’s something really Western and yummy.” I found a recipe for Greek meat balls (they are South Beach ones as they don’t use breadcrumbs soaked in milk like traditional recipes do). Instead, all you need is an egg, low fat cheese and olive oil as binding agents, plus a dash of red vinegar for that extra flavour.

I plucked the leaves off our basil plants for the first time to cook.

Tossed in herbs like oregano and parsley, finely chopped garlic, and onion and mixed well with minced beef.

It was really fun using a teaspoon to shape the meatballs.

Tada… homey meatballs in tomato sauce with grilled veggies on the side plus a piece of corn.

Check out the cooked basil. We are so proud of our garden. I would like to say it is organic but it’s not because the kangaroo whipped out his slug zapper to keep them away from our pretty plants.

This is such a long food post and it seems this is all I write about. No fear, I will be posting non-food entries soon.

Back to the topic at hand: the kangaroo gave his stamp of approval on these two dishes as “sick food”, so I’ll be happy to spin these out when he’s down and out again.

What’s your “sick food”?

Our little garden

yuming — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 10:00:32 +0000

One of the things I find surprising about the kangaroo is that he loves gardening. It’s such a contradiction to his high tech brain that runs like a CPU, but I think once in a while, he likes to chill out at home with his plants and flowers. Being a city gal like myself, I find this highly amusing and fascinating.

In Singapore, our rented apartments always had potted plants and blooms of several hues which the kangaroo would love splurging on. Then he would spend glorious hours tending to them like pets on weekends. When we moved to Japan, most of them went to my parents’ home for safekeeping.

It was a hobby he picked up when he was growing up in Aussie country town, Tamworth, his birthplace. In fact, he told me that he set up a gardening service with his good friend. They got right into it and had a wide clientele which consisted of all their neighbours. Unfortunately his business partner earned enough money to buy a handheld Sony playstation and was not motivated to continue. “It was my first lesson in business — you will always meet people with different goals even though you are running the same company.” Nevertheless he ploughed on by himself and earned a ton of cash during the summer when he was 15.

Anyway, our housewarming is next weekend so we went to Tokyu Hands to load up on party supplies and flowers.

The kangaroo is already thinking of expanding our garden to grow my favourite herbs and veggies. Imagine organic produce right in our backyard!

Horses won’t do well in 2008

admin — Wed, 07 May 2008 03:55:00 +0000

One very Chinesey thing about the kangaroo is that he loves reading Chinese astrological predictions. He even got his mum into it, so back from Singapore last Saturday, he announced, “Babe, I got a pressie for you!”

This is what he got me. Plus, the year of the rat for himself, and the year of the sheep for his mum.

This lovely book by Lilian and Jennifer Too says 2008 will be a horrible year for horses. We will do badly in business, love, health and education.

Apparently, the horse and the rat are doomed to fail as their ambitions are mismatched and are not natural allies. But you know, I went through all the signs and the horse is definitely unlucky in love this year — she quarrels with all the animals and has no one. Maybe the monkey who is loving and kind but even then the horse will try the patience of such an ardent lover.

I might as well commit suicide. Alas, the book doesn’t completely doom the horse to a bottomless hell. The solutions to the horse’s woes are to be frugal (“Save money now, because if you think you can spend today and have more next month, you are very wrong” — I kid you not), patient, quiet (the horse picks fights with everyone and ends up very unpopular, particularly in the office), and to eat healthy, plus carry a number of pendants to ward off evil. The months of June and July are happy reprieves from the whole year of gloom.

What the f$%%&, right? The kangaroo will have an excellent year, like rats always do because they are number one in the zodiac chain. We concluded that we will only believe in Chinesey bullshit if it’s good news.

A lesson in Singlish

admin — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:44:00 +0000

“I can’t understand what Singaporeans say sometimes,” the kangaroo declared in exasperation yesterday after he finished a trying conversation with his Singapore accountant’s assistant. He cast a meaningful eye at me and quipped, “I wonder why…?”

I cracked up. True, I don’t use Singlish (Singapore English) with him because he just wouldn’t understand me, or if he did, he would imitate me.

So what was it that he didn’t get?

“Eh?” is what he hears when Singaporeans pick up the phone. I assured him it wasn’t a grunt but a quick, “’Ello?”

“I sen it” means “I am sending it”. The kangaroo was puzzled and asked if she had already sent the email or if she was sending it at the time they were speaking. I told him if she had sent it, she would say, “I sen already.”

Debating about language is a fun thing for us as a mixed couple. I’ll be flying to Sydney in about three weeks and I wonder what I’ll pick up from the Aussies this time…

Listen to the radio

admin — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 10:14:00 +0000

I got an idea from a friend in Sydney who listens to Class 95 online. It’s weird that out of all the Mediacorp stations, this one works on my iBook. The rest work on a format not recognized on Macs.

But the connection is so poor — the music gets cut off every other minute. I wish I could tune into it better.

So now I’m listening to Australian pop rock station Triple J because they have an mp3 stream option that plays through iTunes. How cool is that? Mr. D loves tuning into this station when he has an hour or two at home.

Plus. I’m so psyched to be going to Sydney. I’ve been there every year at least once to visit. It almost feels like home. Of course, all this fondness is born out of having an excellent time every time. But living with a kangaroo has also made me very partial to Australian culture. I don’t get all the jokes but I just love the breezy, cheeky remarks they make on radio.

Mr. D views Singapore as home for him. I guess it’s a reversal for us. We both don’t want to live in our home countries because the rest of the world is just so fascinating. One of the things I enjoy about our relationship is this constant cultural exchange. Before I make this sound like a sociological bore, let’s just leave it at this: it’s fun being different from each other.

Right now, I feel I’m full of contradictions. I have to admit part of the reason why I’m so looking forward to Sydney is to see Mr. D’s family. They’ve kind of become family to me as I’ve got to know them little by little over the years and they are always very warm peeps. I miss my folks but my gut tells me it’s not time to see them yet. Maybe I’m becoming more aussie than the kangaroo….

Alrighty, gotta hit the books again.