Lioness in Japan

I have contemplated about whether to talk about this or not but I think it would be interesting for those who are navigating a cross-cultural relationship. My main message is, “Do not give up.”

If you are part of a mixed couple, your life is probably constantly peppered with “lost in translation” moments, especially with family. It’s so easy to hang out with each other but with the very Singaporean side of my life and his very Aussie side of life — sometimes they clash or cause bewildered wtf situations.

The kangaroo is super Asian for his Aussie self, but I must say it took him awhile to really get certain things, like my parents should be referred to as “auntie and uncle” even though they are not related to him. It took him six years to realize it is okay to call a taxi driver and my dad “uncle”. My relationship with my parents is not as equal as his relationship with his dad and mum who are more like his friends, so he finds it strange that I dance around issues that are too “frank” to be muttered aloud. And the young padawan is still learning the finer points of giving face in public and in private but that is another story…

I’ve heard of horror stories about mixed couples’ parents not accepting their child’s partner so I’m thankful my parents did not threaten to disown me but there was a quirk in our picture of harmonious ties.

Well, until we got engaged, we were not allowed to stay in my parents’ home in Singapore when we came to visit nor could I present him to the extended family. On the other hand, I had probably met 90% of the kanagroo clan, including cousins, aunts, uncles etc, so it was an issue that was strained between us for a long time.

I’ve not confirmed the real reason(s) but it probably has to do with being unmarried and staying in the same room. Yes, I know, they have always known we’ve been living together, but their house, their rules.

So on our last trip to Singapore, we were invited!!! My mum said to me, “Hotels are so expensive, you should stay with us!” OKAY!! It’s amazing what one little diamond ring can do.

I was so happy but I was a mite apprehensive….

However, I really had nothing to worry about. It all went well!

This is the kangaroo lounging on my parents’ massage chair drinking a glass of red wine. That’s also another milestone in our no-alcohol household. We dug out some mighty dusty and “vintage” (2003?) Kiwi red wine (courtesy of long-forgotten corporate Christmas hampers) and sipped on it while watching TV in the living room. This is also yet another milestone because my parents kind of associate drinking with vices like smoking, drug-taking, and gambling which are officially not allowed in the house (though they play mahjong with gambling chips — do these count?).

I have to commend the kangaroo for patiently answering my mother’s daily inquiries of our plans and meals (typical mum behaviour across the board though, right?). She was keen to cook for us so we had to inform her if we were staying at home or not. For folks who are used to coming and going as they please, this was quite a big deal to me because not everyone can put up with “parental behaviour”, especially if they are not the ones who gave birth to you.

But hey marrying me is marrying my family too right?

So it took over seven years to reach this point and thus I’m inspired to tell those in less favourable positions that you need patience and time to cultivate familial acceptance. Gambarimasu…

I finally got my camera cable shipped back to me from Singapore (thanks, mum!) and now I can post about my year-end pilgrimage to the Land Down Under. It is a strange place…But since the kangaroo is going to be sticking around for quite a bit, I thought I should educate myself on the finer points of Australian life.

#1 I learned how a cricket game works.

It is a mind-boggling affair but I spent eight hours at the SCG (Sydney Cricket Ground) watching men in white bat and bowl to seemingly no end. Suffice to say one full day of cricket showed me enough permutations of how one scores points for his team — of course I had the kangaroo giving me Cricket 101 lectures throughout the day which helped.

That’s me with a radio earpiece so I could listen to the commentary and follow the game better.

When I heard “eight hours of cricket”, I must say I was a little apprehensive and was very tempted to bring a book and my iPod, but I thought it would be rude seeing that one goes to the cricket to watch it, not ignore it. Surprisingly, I enjoyed myself immensely and the crowd was just entertaining and boisterous as well. I’m not sure if I would turn on the telly to watch cricket voluntarily but I could definitely do this again happily.

#2 I ate my first pavlova

I’ve been with the kangaroo for over seven years and this was my first-ever pavlova. It was deliciousness with a capital “S” — sinful — but oh-so-yummy. Pavlova is the quintessential Aussie dessert that is made of whipped egg whites and sugar. Lots of it. It is not unlike a lemon meringue pie without the pastry crust but my forays into the dessert world have been quite limited (I’m more into savoury food) so this sweet treat felt like quite the new-fangled thing on my taste buds.

YUMYUMYUMYUM….

#3 Never argue with an Australian on how cheap pizzas can get

Let me explain a little: every time we order a pizza from Domino’s in Tokyo (not very often I might add), the kangaroo (the pizza-lovin’ machine of the household) would complain about how expensive it is and how two large pizzas in Sydney cost less than AUD20.

True, 3,000JPY (AUD36) is pretty steep for a large pizza and also if you want other junky add-ons like fries or chicken wings or a bottle of Coke, it’ll be more like over 4,000JPY (AUD48). I’d argue that the last time he lived in Australia was ten years ago and go, “Honey, there’s such a thing as INFLATION and I don’t wanna cook.” Since he wouldn’t lift a paw to make food, we order a pizza in the end with lots of whingeing.

But when we were strolling around Earlwood with our friends to go to brunch, I saw this:

What the…..?! Apparently, pizzas are not only CHEAP but getting more so, as our friend noted, “I reckon they’ve become cheaper over the years.” LOL!

And on Tuesdays, pizzas are even more affordable:

I had to eat my words. But I’ll still order a damn pizza in Tokyo if I feel like it.

So there, I’m not just taking pictures of the Sydney Opera House but I’m delving deeper into the psyche of Australian living. I’ll be off to Melbourne in March so we’ll see what other “new” Aussie thing I’ll pick up…

I stumbled upon this e-book, Understanding Japanese Women, as I was surfing around yesterday for English teaching material (yes, I’ve gone back to teaching conversational English as a part-time thing) and I perused it with the expectation that this was going to be a cheesy dating handbook.

But it wasn’t. I was truly surprised to find it not only witty, but full of useful information in just the sampler I downloaded. It may be angled at Western men looking to date Japanese women but I can see that there are layers of cultural tips you can glean if you have a keen interest in socializing with Japanese.

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I honestly didn’t expect anything from the kangaroo on Valentine’s Day. It’s become kind of embarrassing to celebrate, especially in the land of giri choco (obligation chocolate) where it’s more work-related and only teenagers give honto choco (sincere/romantic chocolate).

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Cupcakes on my desktop!

You can download them here at the Apple website. They have tons of other cool and quirky icons to dress up your beloved Mac.

By the way, did I mention the kangaroo has evolved from being a PC to a Mac — in spirit at least. During our Sydney holiday, he was so frustrated with his Vista-powered machine that he declared his next purchase will be a…..MAC.

I didn’t do a thing to influence him (he used to inflict insults on my Mac, like “Macs just don’t have the grunt of a PC!”) nor was it just a perfect alignment of the stars when he made that earth-shattering announcement. He even bought Apple shares and an iPhone.

Who says men can’t change?

Apart from buying a piece of glass (thinking it was a bench) and going through the nightmare of applying for an apartment, I think Tokyo hasn’t been too harsh on me. I always feel lucky that I can read most kanji and even enjoy getting reacquainted with Mandarin, my mother tongue, which has gone rusty from lack of use.

But sometimes, I would feel like I’m a two-year-old pretending to be an adult. This moment came every time I sent in a new application form for a telephone land line. In all, I have sent six forms. They were rejected because they were either filled in wrongly or the telephone company claimed they didn’t receive it. The last form was also exactly the same as the first one we filled in that wasn’t successful. What the hell was going on? Well, the ordeal is finally over and we got our phone.

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When I come back to Singapore, I fix my schedule according to what I want to eat. It sounds so controlling and obsessive, but I am sure others in my position think the same.

You see the flavours of Japan can get a little too subtle for me and the two-week lead up to a home visit always makes my taste buds particularly restless.

When I touched down on Friday night, the kangaroo informed me he was at a friend’s apartment drinking wine and listening to music.

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Last week, the kangaroo was unwell with exhaustion, flu, and two hangovers. I have never really thought about what he would like to eat when he gets sick until his last bout of flu which happened last month (he tends to get ill after his hardcore business trips).

Usually he hoovers anything on his plate, but that evening, he asked me what I was going to cook and I chirped, “Teriyaki salmon!”

“Oh babe, nooooooo. No salmon. That’s not sick food.”

I was so puzzled, “Honey, why not?”

“It’s just not sick food. Remember I grew up on a farm and never had any seafood until I was 20.”

I was tickled but dismayed: What do I cook?

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One of the things I find surprising about the kangaroo is that he loves gardening. It’s such a contradiction to his high tech brain that runs like a CPU, but I think once in a while, he likes to chill out at home with his plants and flowers. Being a city gal like myself, I find this highly amusing and fascinating.

In Singapore, our rented apartments always had potted plants and blooms of several hues which the kangaroo would love splurging on. Then he would spend glorious hours tending to them like pets on weekends. When we moved to Japan, most of them went to my parents’ home for safekeeping.

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One very Chinesey thing about the kangaroo is that he loves reading Chinese astrological predictions. He even got his mum into it, so back from Singapore last Saturday, he announced, “Babe, I got a pressie for you!”

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